Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Party Rule #6: always eat before you party…

Party Rule #5: always eat before you party…this way you don’t burn down the house… 
Order Dominos.  4 out of 5 prefer the new recipe.  Perplexingly, however, with the exception of New York, it is nearly impossible to get a friggin’ Gyro delivered at 2 AM.  I have a dream where all races and peoples, across the world, shall have universal access to food, and late night pizza delivery…don’t cook drunk, don’t forget to turn off the stove, and don’t collect 200 dollars!

On the cab ride home from the club, we bypassed the Great American Dinner Pub, the archetypical late night livery in Bensalem, and nowhere would deliver that late.[1]


[1] When dining at the Pub, ask for Kurt, the late night waiter with a sweet, green, cartoony tattoo-sleeve, green eyes, a boyish face, and skittish smile.  Don’t worry however; he’s too polite to spit on your food.  He must be a graphic designer or artist by day, and waiting tables at night, because he’ll draw a cartoon of Goofy on your check at the end of the meal.  Nothing is better than receiving a hand-drawn Goofy on a late night dinner check.  If you still need convincing, the Philly Cheesesteak Omelette is the bomb, and there’s Naked Photo Hunt at the tables, boys’ and girls’ edition.  “Oh Sh*t!  Kurt the Killah drew Goofy on my check again!  HAHA!!! Damn, look at those boobies!”   

Drunkenly, I raided Big J’s kitchen for anything edible – two pieces of Texas Toast from the freezer, along with stealing two pieces of sliced wheat bread in a plastic bag on the kitchen counter, take two cans of tuna – fry the melts in some oil – steal two Coors Lights from the fridge in the bar for Big J so he could enjoy his tuna melt, and it’s steal a meal deal, cheap.  By the time I get up to his room twenty minutes later he was passed out asleep.

Sometimes in life you just have to steal (listen to Song 8, from that hyperlink. It is Stealy Man, by Perpetual Groove.  The website it is from is archive.org, one of the most important internet recepticles of information, along with wikipedia.org.).  According to a rule of nature, you have to steal in life, the question is will you steal and give back, or simply steal and keep for yourself.   The latter, of course...then my friend, you are engaged in a party foul...

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